RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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