the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Someone signed my nipple.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
