Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
