Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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