dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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