i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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