1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize