Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
