U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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