i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
