I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
