You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
