yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
