i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
