you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
