y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
