I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
