Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Umm I'm too high to move.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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