I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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