This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
