I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
