omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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