dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize