i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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