It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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