between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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