i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
