i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize