sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
