Don't make out with my wife yet
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
