all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
