fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
