Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
