Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
