wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
