writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
