Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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