I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Your cock deserves a montage
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
