Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
