i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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