U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
