I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
