Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
