maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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