did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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