You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
