I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
