Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just cropdusted the office
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
