69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
