like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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