Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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