ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Found your dick twin last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
