so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
