if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
