Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize