I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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