i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
