dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think i have two assholes
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
