I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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