Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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