i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
