so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
