im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
