isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
