I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
