i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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