My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
