420 ftw
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
