FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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