I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
