If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
