im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
