I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
